Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

#20047310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7596) - you deserved it (27262)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:59am - health - by Holly - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (3859)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

#19995813
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (3584)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

#19948729
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24246) - you deserved it (2432)

On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21233) - you deserved it (2951)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

#19932233
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8541) - you deserved it (22514)

On 07/13/2012 at 11:19am - misc - by HellisLikeTheDMV (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

#19890540
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20092) - you deserved it (1606)

On 07/04/2012 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

#19869776
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22757) - you deserved it (2051)

On 06/30/2012 at 2:26am - love - by anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

#19864219
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (2609)

On 06/29/2012 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Christina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

#19830472
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30842) - you deserved it (3863)

On 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Uncomfy (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

#19734660
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28740) - you deserved it (6031)

On 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by BooBabe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

#19640453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6417) - you deserved it (46312)

On 05/18/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by Karmaisabitch - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was told I need two root canals. This is because my previous dentist did such a bad job on one of my teeth that the decay went through and transferred to its neighbor. FML

#19622172
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20154) - you deserved it (1887)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:55pm - health - by GrinningCynic - United States (Colorado)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: