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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (1702)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (8616)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17269) - you deserved it (1196)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

#20089658
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20273) - you deserved it (2459)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15475) - you deserved it (1833)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

#20060961
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6474) - you deserved it (10838)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

#20060710
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17743) - you deserved it (8141)

On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

#20057350
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5008) - you deserved it (33735)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm - love - by noname1025 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

#20047310
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6620) - you deserved it (24492)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:59am - health - by Holly - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16959) - you deserved it (2764)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

#19995813
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (3374)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

#19948729
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22032) - you deserved it (2233)

On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18387) - you deserved it (2663)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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