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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

#20480667
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30221) - you deserved it (17027)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

#20442878
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23594) - you deserved it (2204)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:33pm - love - by but i make different stiffies (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

#20441386
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26613) - you deserved it (1886)

On 01/03/2013 at 7:34pm - misc - by Tooyoungforthis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

#20432536
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39619) - you deserved it (3535)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

#20423026
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12564) - you deserved it (19711)

On 12/26/2012 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

#20412112
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28607) - you deserved it (6908)

On 12/21/2012 at 7:11pm - money - by futuregigolo (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6315) - you deserved it (36670)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28013) - you deserved it (3230)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21419) - you deserved it (2239)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

#20167155
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26932) - you deserved it (1630)

On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34211) - you deserved it (3489)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47244) - you deserved it (6005)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

#20146765
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20015) - you deserved it (1842)

On 11/04/2012 at 2:28am - misc - by Chuffy (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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