FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

by Swabidizop / 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

by jobless / 04/10/2015 at 2:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

by TabbyCat87 / 04/09/2015 at 3:57pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

by anonymous / 03/31/2015 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

by rayraydayday / 03/21/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I got a call from the ICU. Apparently, my boyfriend has been there for 3 days and I'm the only person who didn't know. Even my parents have been to see him. FML

by quietecho95 / 03/20/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, the principal of the school I teach at told me she's not interested in re-hiring me because sometimes I wear a hoodie. FML

by schoolsucks / 03/10/2015 at 7:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

by CrazyInLove / 03/10/2015 at 2:02am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

by Why? / 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

by navygirl96 / 03/03/2015 at 10:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

by Like mother like daughter / 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy