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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (2465)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

#20830066
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41573) - you deserved it (6291)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

#20816873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48015) - you deserved it (3066)

On 08/02/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46090) - you deserved it (3848)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

#20806438
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54940) - you deserved it (4235)

On 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm - kids - by poopiter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59929) - you deserved it (7810)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (9011)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38794) - you deserved it (7565)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

Today, I had my last orchestra concert and had a large solo. My dad came to watch and record it; however, the whole time he recorded another girl, thinking it was me. FML

#20728759
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43377) - you deserved it (2827)

On 06/16/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a swim meet, swimming as hard as I'd ever swum before. During the last lap I saw no one in the lanes next to me. Thinking I was first, I became extremely excited. When I came to the wall, I realized the reason no one else was around: They already finished the race. I was last. FML

#20724700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47073) - you deserved it (7065)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by :( - United States (Colorado)

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

#20720945
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58061) - you deserved it (4133)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by Are you f*cking kidding me (man) - United States (Colorado)



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