Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16160) - you deserved it (1555)
On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20137) - you deserved it (998)
On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23950) - you deserved it (2165)
On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37988) - you deserved it (4980)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14840) - you deserved it (1194)
On 11/04/2012 at 2:28am - misc - by Chuffy (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18469) - you deserved it (1558)
On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14949) - you deserved it (1133)
On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19516) - you deserved it (6725)
On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am beyond terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16787) - you deserved it (1175)
On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15694) - you deserved it (1742)
On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12268) - you deserved it (1310)
On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6311) - you deserved it (10494)
On 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14882) - you deserved it (6252)
On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)
Monday 17 June 2013
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