FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

by AddictiveAddicted / 06/28/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

by silverspud / 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

by Swabidizop / 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

by jobless / 04/10/2015 at 2:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

by TabbyCat87 / 04/09/2015 at 3:57pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

by anonymous / 03/31/2015 at 12:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

by rayraydayday / 03/21/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I got a call from the ICU. Apparently, my boyfriend has been there for 3 days and I'm the only person who didn't know. Even my parents have been to see him. FML

by quietecho95 / 03/20/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, the principal of the school I teach at told me she's not interested in re-hiring me because sometimes I wear a hoodie. FML

by schoolsucks / 03/10/2015 at 7:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

by CrazyInLove / 03/10/2015 at 2:02am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

by Why? / 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous