FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

by expertdoubleex / 01/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

by kodijack / 01/25/2010 at 1:13pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

by lmiller / 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

by BlackPolarbear / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

by VeeDubDisaster / 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

by mindlost / 01/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 12:06am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

by handi-crap / 01/05/2010 at 12:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

by hairybetty / 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

by payne / 01/04/2010 at 4:07pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, while working my overnight shift, I went into the isolation room to find some items for a former client. The door fell shut and the magnetic lock went to work. Both unit telephones and my cell phone were lying on the desk, and I waited four hours for my supervisor to rescue me. FML

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

by Leslie / 12/30/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Colorado) / Love