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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

#3271305
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60758) - you deserved it (9169)

On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63882) - you deserved it (3560)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

#3021035
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42230) - you deserved it (4247)

On 06/19/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by insomniac (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41123) - you deserved it (3564)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

#2851443
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49640) - you deserved it (2824)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:10am - love - by slukaa (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21937) - you deserved it (73126)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (43074)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

#2399867
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45172) - you deserved it (6100)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

#1418421
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11492) - you deserved it (102119)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8818) - you deserved it (58936)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

#1106901
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10662) - you deserved it (69025)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:03am - money - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Colorado)



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