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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

#3355159
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12325) - you deserved it (50228)

On 06/30/2009 at 1:14am - health - by POLYBLOT (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

#3271305
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60512) - you deserved it (9150)

On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63616) - you deserved it (3553)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

#3021035
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41383) - you deserved it (4180)

On 06/19/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by insomniac (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40968) - you deserved it (3551)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

#2851443
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48784) - you deserved it (2763)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:10am - love - by slukaa (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21183) - you deserved it (71794)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18332) - you deserved it (42422)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

#2399867
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44982) - you deserved it (6082)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

#1418421
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11318) - you deserved it (101362)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8760) - you deserved it (58713)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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