FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

by ugly / 11/14/2010 at 2:39am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

by sandyseashells10 / 11/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

by crazy_mom / 11/01/2010 at 11:10am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

by danjoylovefun / 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

by ugly me / 10/23/2010 at 8:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I discovered that instead of being a harmless way to relax after a rough day, parking in an empty lot apparently means you are either dealing drugs or want to commit suicide. I was detained, my car was searched and I was grilled about my happiness. Great stress relief, eh? FML

by takeitandrun / 10/17/2010 at 7:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

by averagepromedio / 08/28/2010 at 4:41am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

by Oops / 08/27/2010 at 12:06am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

by Jordid / 08/19/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy