FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

by sushi hater / 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

by inthecold / 02/19/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

by CandyMachine / 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

by Tori / 02/16/2011 at 2:40am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

by FlatTire / 02/13/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

by Damn.... / 01/28/2011 at 2:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

by brrrr that's cold! / 01/27/2011 at 3:24pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

by captfml / 12/15/2010 at 5:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Health