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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML

#21092790
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34024) - you deserved it (4175)

On 03/21/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

#21087500
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48860) - you deserved it (4514)

On 03/15/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17280) - you deserved it (54962)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

#21071932
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16450) - you deserved it (46046)

On 02/26/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

#21068141
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49583) - you deserved it (3209)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:48am - misc - by seriously though - United States (Colorado)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45713) - you deserved it (3949)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

#21040204
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52680) - you deserved it (4881)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49448) - you deserved it (9301)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

#20994103
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (4251)

On 12/15/2013 at 10:44pm - misc - by NotTalented - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

#20974515
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56146) - you deserved it (6080)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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