FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

by BadTime / 08/30/2011 at 5:35am / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

by Meagan smith / 08/24/2011 at 4:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

by DramaticSigh / 08/15/2011 at 1:00am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

by Michael tee / 08/11/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

by Tim / 08/06/2011 at 10:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

by MAWZ / 07/19/2011 at 2:33am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

by sm702 / 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

by Jackie Campbell / 07/12/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Colorado) / Love