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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

#13823164
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (18649)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:29am - misc - by sandyseashells10 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a maths test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

#13673921
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32698) - you deserved it (3833)

On 11/01/2010 at 11:10am - intimacy - by crazy_mom (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

#13642352
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52110) - you deserved it (3877)

On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

#13581194
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (2951)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm - animals - by danjoylovefun - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

#13567439
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23991) - you deserved it (3122)

On 10/23/2010 at 8:50pm - misc - by ugly me - United States (Colorado)

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

#13559030
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30679) - you deserved it (2497)

On 10/23/2010 at 4:17am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered that instead of being a harmless way to relax after a rough day, parking in an empty lot apparently means you are either dealing drugs or want to commit suicide. I was detained, my car was searched and I was grilled about my happiness. Great stress relief, eh? FML

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

#13185794
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23744) - you deserved it (7242)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

#12764929
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11343) - you deserved it (31700)

On 08/27/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

#12616520
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56091) - you deserved it (3687)

On 08/19/2010 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Jordid - United States (Colorado)

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

#12550776
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29682) - you deserved it (2934)

On 08/16/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

#12498783
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36910) - you deserved it (5678)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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