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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

#16286045
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8890) - you deserved it (58822)

On 05/21/2011 at 7:33pm - misc - by aridaley - United States (Colorado)

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

#16181448
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35197) - you deserved it (3190)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:49am - misc - by jruth7 - United States (Colorado)

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

#15869233
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27924) - you deserved it (2582)

On 04/21/2011 at 1:27am - work - by Forgetable (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

#15733743
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (8612)

On 04/11/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by blower - United States (Colorado)

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

#15719480
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37411) - you deserved it (4128)

On 04/10/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

#15294170
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (6845)

On 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm - health - by sushi hater - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

#15188844
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11191) - you deserved it (30358)

On 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

#15035119
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24198) - you deserved it (7286)

On 02/19/2011 at 12:41am - misc - by inthecold (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

#15006025
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25616) - you deserved it (9010)

On 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm - misc - by CandyMachine (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

#14999054
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27049) - you deserved it (4480)

On 02/16/2011 at 2:40am - misc - by Tori (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

#14954062
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10667) - you deserved it (16441)

On 02/13/2011 at 12:30am - misc - by FlatTire - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

#14743566
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (2701)

On 01/28/2011 at 2:26pm - health - by Damn.... (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

#14732721
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23299) - you deserved it (2063)

On 01/27/2011 at 3:24pm - misc - by brrrr that's cold! - United States (Colorado)



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