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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

#18713489
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33005) - you deserved it (3868)

On 01/05/2012 at 3:09am - health - by dusk - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

#18642967
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26308) - you deserved it (2643)

On 12/29/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by dontpeeonmenxtime (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

#18516515
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (10032)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:00am - love - by scribbles1475 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

#18496344
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31931) - you deserved it (2666)

On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

#18323291
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28966) - you deserved it (2476)

On 11/23/2011 at 1:02am - misc - by poorchild - United States (Colorado)

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

#18084228
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25583) - you deserved it (3317)

On 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm - love - by nekogirl15 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

#18070361
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39505) - you deserved it (3374)

On 10/25/2011 at 4:17am - misc - by myownperson - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13176) - you deserved it (44084)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

#17941193
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22151) - you deserved it (12150)

On 10/09/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by glitterzebra - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

#17811635
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41188) - you deserved it (12123)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

#17748874
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (2914)

On 09/15/2011 at 12:42am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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