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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

#16696125
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10721) - you deserved it (42142)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by Madmanmorton (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

#16650975
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9766) - you deserved it (49357)

On 06/13/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

#16484312
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7796) - you deserved it (43060)

On 06/03/2011 at 2:32pm - misc - by Faithy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

#16464614
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33261) - you deserved it (2578)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

#16377844
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (47688)

On 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

#16359968
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7684) - you deserved it (59860)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:31pm - misc - by taydean - United States (Colorado)

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

#16307773
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28652) - you deserved it (7699)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

#16286045
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8686) - you deserved it (58101)

On 05/21/2011 at 7:33pm - misc - by aridaley - United States (Colorado)

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

#16181448
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35103) - you deserved it (3184)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:49am - misc - by jruth7 - United States (Colorado)

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

#15869233
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27835) - you deserved it (2580)

On 04/21/2011 at 1:27am - work - by Forgetable (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

#15733743
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39094) - you deserved it (8598)

On 04/11/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by blower - United States (Colorado)

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

#15719480
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37061) - you deserved it (4108)

On 04/10/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

#15294170
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26299) - you deserved it (6838)

On 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm - health - by sushi hater - United States (Colorado)



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