FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

by Juiced / 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

by AnxietyGirl / 09/24/2012 at 3:18am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

by WaxOnWaxOff / 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

by noname1025 / 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

by Holly / 08/29/2012 at 12:59am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

by ice cream dude / 08/10/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

by lovealways22 / 07/17/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

by HellisLikeTheDMV / 07/13/2012 at 11:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

by anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 2:26am / United States (Colorado) / Love