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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

#18084228
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25311) - you deserved it (3302)

On 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm - love - by nekogirl15 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

#18070361
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37125) - you deserved it (3186)

On 10/25/2011 at 4:17am - misc - by myownperson - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11754) - you deserved it (41641)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

#17941193
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (12096)

On 10/09/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by glitterzebra - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

#17811635
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38337) - you deserved it (11354)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

#17748874
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26843) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/15/2011 at 12:42am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

#17715893
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36708) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/11/2011 at 12:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

#17685680
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26931) - you deserved it (9112)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:30am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

#17652059
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28523) - you deserved it (3045)

On 09/03/2011 at 10:36am - kids - by abby181 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

#17625902
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31622) - you deserved it (3452)

On 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by mystupidson (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

#17619423
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28573) - you deserved it (3143)

On 08/30/2011 at 5:35am - money - by BadTime (man) - United States (Colorado)



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