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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I went to my grandma's house to visit. She's an elderly woman, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. She told me to take the dog out, so I did, but one thing she didn't tell me is that her dog loves to take explosive shits everywhere. FML

#21521987
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17815) - you deserved it (1492)

On 02/02/2016 at 12:37am - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Colorado)

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

#21515791
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20949) - you deserved it (3623)

On 01/16/2016 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

#21514447
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20642) - you deserved it (1314)

On 01/12/2016 at 7:16pm - love - by TabbyCat87 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

#21514275
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (4913)

On 01/12/2016 at 10:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

#21501371
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20918) - you deserved it (2013)

On 12/08/2015 at 3:30am - money - by Lala (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

#21498310
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21174) - you deserved it (1871)

On 11/29/2015 at 8:17pm - health - by achoo-plop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

#21493607
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32713) - you deserved it (2342)

On 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by strawberry - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

#21485302
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23015) - you deserved it (2547)

On 10/28/2015 at 1:23am - love - by FreeTacos_ - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

#21485063
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20437) - you deserved it (2047)

On 10/27/2015 at 2:59pm - misc - by itsplashedeverywhere - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

#21483767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22007) - you deserved it (3013)

On 10/24/2015 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML

#21478786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25001) - you deserved it (1840)

On 10/11/2015 at 10:07pm - work - by why (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

#21477928
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25334) - you deserved it (2493)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

#21474448
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24701) - you deserved it (2271)

On 09/30/2015 at 1:26am - love - by Spinster - United States (Colorado)



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