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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12081) - you deserved it (22526)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

#21446247
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (8958)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by stargate25 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

#21443849
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23298) - you deserved it (1983)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02am - kids - by facepalming all the way (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

#21439858
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (16257)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

#21438172
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19318) - you deserved it (3824)

On 07/07/2015 at 8:52pm - health - by BigHelp (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

#21433516
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18143) - you deserved it (27909)

On 06/28/2015 at 10:02pm - kids - by AddictiveAddicted - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

#21425174
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28639) - you deserved it (5838)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by silverspud - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25104) - you deserved it (7104)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

#21391103
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (2345)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:28am - work - by jobless - United States (Colorado)

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

#21384707
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31165) - you deserved it (2552)

On 03/31/2015 at 12:47pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

#21383075
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27132) - you deserved it (1964)

On 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

#21378703
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (9356)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:25am - love - by rayraydayday - United States (Colorado)



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