FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out a girl I've had a crush on for months now. She told me I was very cute and then walked off. I still don't have an answer. FML

by hoppgrasser / 11/12/2016 at 10:17am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

by wasp infestation / 10/03/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, a street "musician" drummed on buckets directly outside my work for two hours. Right as I was about to lose it, he stopped playing. Within 5 minutes, someone else started playing the saxophone. FML

by bambisapphic / 10/02/2016 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife announced she had a sexy surprise for me. Turns out she got a Brazilian wax, which is a huge turn-off for me. Not only could I not get it up, I got to hear all about how much her last boyfriend loved it. FML.

by HairToStay / 09/19/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I heard from multiple people that my girlfriend called me a dumbass because I apparently sent her "Good Morning" twice. We aren't even three full days into the relationship. FML

by J / 08/30/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML

by funnyhowthatwork / 08/17/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2016 at 8:24pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

by thx. / 08/04/2016 at 4:35pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

by sayno2mermaids / 08/03/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 2:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

by NotFromAustralia / 07/08/2016 at 1:25am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 3:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Work