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FMLs submitted from Colorado

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

#21462782
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (1255)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eminnis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20465) - you deserved it (3548)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

#21461322
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21365) - you deserved it (1357)

On 08/27/2015 at 12:34pm - misc - by lefthandspanker (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

#21457473
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18200) - you deserved it (6247)

On 08/18/2015 at 3:07am - misc - by IrisKitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

#21456120
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (1572)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm - kids - by Tyrez (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12757) - you deserved it (23912)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

#21446247
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24061) - you deserved it (9819)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by stargate25 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

#21443849
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23601) - you deserved it (1986)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02am - kids - by facepalming all the way (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

#21439858
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29504) - you deserved it (16764)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

#21438172
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19899) - you deserved it (4106)

On 07/07/2015 at 8:52pm - health - by BigHelp (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

#21433516
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18183) - you deserved it (27964)

On 06/28/2015 at 10:02pm - kids - by AddictiveAddicted - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

#21425174
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28896) - you deserved it (5856)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by silverspud - United States (Colorado)



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