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Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
Monday 30 November 2015