FMLs submitted from California

Today, I hung out with some old friends for the first time since losing about 50 pounds, going from clinically obese to a healthy weight. I even bought a cute new dress for the occasion to show off my new body. No one noticed the change. FML

by Anonymous / 02/29/2016 at 5:56pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML

by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

by BroadcitySF / 02/27/2016 at 10:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML

by bxilee / 02/27/2016 at 9:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

by nobody / 02/27/2016 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a friend located my stolen dog. It was sold to a family that has an autistic child. I was told by the police that I could have my dog back, but they think I am a terrible person if I do. FML

by queerdragon / 02/25/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

by Mudge / 02/25/2016 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an indoor trampoline park. This would usually be fun, except that I got there, broke my ankle, and left in an ambulance, all before my friends even arrived. FML

by rangerluke / 02/25/2016 at 10:52am / United States (California) / Health

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

by arrow / 02/23/2016 at 3:39pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had a concert. At the end, my conductor was recognizing soloists. When he pointed at me, I was confused, but stood up anyway. It turns out he was pointing at the person behind me. I had to awkwardly sit back down in front of over 500 people. FML

by captainwhiskers / 02/23/2016 at 7:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

by goodjobme / 02/23/2016 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2016 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (California) / Work