FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

by Tiffer27 / 01/25/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

by helloimkylieee / 01/24/2016 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

by ugh / 01/23/2016 at 3:48pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 5:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

by OhNo / 01/22/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

by AkiAnime / 01/21/2016 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 10:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 7:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

by xsnqw / 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

by clostar / 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

by Well, shit / 01/18/2016 at 5:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous