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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18473) - you deserved it (32047)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (3273)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30685) - you deserved it (13265)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34558) - you deserved it (4520)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (5510)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (2161)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

#21403264
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (2528)

On 05/02/2015 at 4:04am - work - by tumblrinas_at_work (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34102) - you deserved it (3787)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26061) - you deserved it (3745)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

#21401112
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (2667)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:00am - love - by koalaburr - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (2804)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

#21400331
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26781) - you deserved it (9360)

On 04/26/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by rookiemistake (woman) - United States (California)



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