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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (3531)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

#20983553
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40126) - you deserved it (6016)

On 12/07/2013 at 2:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

#20983492
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36212) - you deserved it (3955)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:58am - misc - by jessierules93 - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

#20982712
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42233) - you deserved it (10557)

On 12/06/2013 at 11:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

#20979287
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39024) - you deserved it (3750)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by reallyhighschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (19271)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

#20977142
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35603) - you deserved it (2253)

On 12/01/2013 at 3:27pm - animals - by HereKittyKitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

#20974597
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (6806)

On 11/29/2013 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36761) - you deserved it (4110)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

#20971339
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34822) - you deserved it (8492)

On 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by fack (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60831) - you deserved it (4211)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

#20967638
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39474) - you deserved it (3045)

On 11/23/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by AshleyRose24 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25752) - you deserved it (81253)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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