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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51860) - you deserved it (5021)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

#21140459
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39234) - you deserved it (4210)

On 05/15/2014 at 8:02am - work - by iworkatofficedepothomes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36321) - you deserved it (4291)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42677) - you deserved it (4588)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, some thieves broke into my church and stole our cameras, monitors, and some other hardware. We were planning to use them for the security system we were about to install. FML

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

#21133708
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (5910)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:01pm - misc - by veggiedude - United States (California)

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

#21132092
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40958) - you deserved it (4347)

On 05/06/2014 at 1:42am - animals - by catfriend - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44989) - you deserved it (22484)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

#21128831
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41136) - you deserved it (3114)

On 05/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by thanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (6043)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, not even a week after I was laid off from my job, I got a call from my old boss. He offered me a "new" job at the company, which turned out to be just like my old one, but with drastically reduced pay. I'm so broke and desperate that I accepted. FML

#21122645
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37875) - you deserved it (3881)

On 04/25/2014 at 11:40am - work - by kris - United States (California)

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML



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