Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

#21279866
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39370) - you deserved it (5536)

On 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by gettinghotinhere - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34484) - you deserved it (3048)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

#21277941
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33406) - you deserved it (4501)

On 10/14/2014 at 9:06pm - love - by failure - United States (California)

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

#21277425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33014) - you deserved it (4458)

On 10/14/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by longdrive - United States (California)

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

#21274726
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33826) - you deserved it (5120)

On 10/10/2014 at 1:52am - love - by Jasmine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

#21274403
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29632) - you deserved it (3175)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

#21273306
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36327) - you deserved it (3054)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:02am - animals - by queenmeme - United States (California)

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

#21273209
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28682) - you deserved it (2538)

On 10/07/2014 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35474) - you deserved it (9596)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (3673)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35421) - you deserved it (4446)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

#21269981
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (2208)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by youredisgusting - United States (California)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: