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FMLs submitted from California

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

#21499350
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (2192)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:45pm - love - by shotdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad why the Wi-fi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

#21499340
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21396) - you deserved it (2127)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by horno (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

#21499015
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20560) - you deserved it (2551)

On 12/01/2015 at 5:53pm - misc - by Dark_Cecilia - United States (California)

Today, at my Grandfather's funeral, my Grandmother decided it would be a good time to tell the story of the time she went to a strip club. FML

Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML

#21497712
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23176) - you deserved it (1571)

On 11/28/2015 at 1:57am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

#21497646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22817) - you deserved it (2408)

On 11/27/2015 at 10:21pm - misc - by AlwaysTired - United States (California)

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

#21497413
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23081) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

#21496072
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (1210)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:34pm - work - by Notakidpusher - United States (California)

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

#21495644
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19860) - you deserved it (4584)

On 11/22/2015 at 8:14pm - misc - by whatafuckhead (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad that scientists discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all b.s and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

#21495384
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20913) - you deserved it (1565)

On 11/22/2015 at 1:40am - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

#21495119
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27544) - you deserved it (3535)

On 11/21/2015 at 9:54am - intimacy - by angelisa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

#21495080
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (2158)

On 11/21/2015 at 5:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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