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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (3553)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

#21298550
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32841) - you deserved it (2323)

On 11/13/2014 at 7:21pm - misc - by JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - United States (California)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32667) - you deserved it (3096)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

#21292980
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (2659)

On 11/05/2014 at 9:03pm - work - by jobless (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

#21292947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36472) - you deserved it (2408)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Purple (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend became a magician. His best trick? The disappearing act. FML

#21292946
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30419) - you deserved it (3367)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:11pm - love - by highheelcyanide (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

#21292131
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you deserved it (2234)

On 11/04/2014 at 5:57pm - work - by kismet_fire (woman) - United States (California)

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

#21291962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (6550)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

#21291715
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29279) - you deserved it (2926)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

#21291250
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40781) - you deserved it (4610)

On 11/03/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by EliseV (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36483) - you deserved it (5818)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)



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