FMLs submitted from California

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

by fresh single / 04/03/2016 at 3:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 11:01pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Money

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

by Omydayz / 03/29/2016 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

by ScarredDaughter / 03/29/2016 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

by whereismyring / 03/27/2016 at 8:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

by yova / 03/27/2016 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

by Liz / 03/26/2016 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

by joanikens / 03/26/2016 at 3:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent a lot of money buying a birthday gift for a close friend, only to find out I'm not even invited to the party. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 3:07pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

by considering murder / 03/25/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Money