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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my mom told me that when I choked on a tortilla chip yesterday, she was seriously planning on cutting my neck open and sticking a straw in it if I didn't stop, because she saw someone do it on 'E.R.'. Now I'm scared to have an emergency around her. FML

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

#21501637
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18850) - you deserved it (3817)

On 12/08/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

#21501325
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19703) - you deserved it (1974)

On 12/07/2015 at 11:38pm - animals - by shitlicker - United States (California)

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

#21501054
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24599) - you deserved it (1901)

On 12/07/2015 at 9:12am - misc - by princess - United States (California)

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

#21500277
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (2091)

On 12/05/2015 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

#21500015
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16646) - you deserved it (12087)

On 12/04/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by shake666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

#21499913
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24493) - you deserved it (1574)

On 12/04/2015 at 2:14am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I was told that the cutoff date for dropping out of one of my classes was last Friday. Which would have been fine if the school website had the right information when I checked it last Friday. They're ignoring my screenshots proving as such. FML

Today, while at a fastfood restaurant, I wanted to wash my hands. The restrooms were locked, so a cashier got the key and opened the mens restroom. This would have been fine if I wasn't a girl. FML

#21499551
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16783) - you deserved it (1920)

On 12/03/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by turtles_yup (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

#21499425
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18836) - you deserved it (1422)

On 12/02/2015 at 7:44pm - money - by Makusu420 - United States (California)

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

#21499350
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (2192)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:45pm - love - by shotdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad why the Wi-fi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

#21499340
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21353) - you deserved it (2127)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by horno (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

#21499015
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20496) - you deserved it (2545)

On 12/01/2015 at 5:53pm - misc - by Dark_Cecilia - United States (California)



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