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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46324) - you deserved it (6403)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

#21151774
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41562) - you deserved it (4111)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

#21151747
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43803) - you deserved it (5347)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anothermoose - United States (California)

Today, I saw the script for the end of year assembly skit I'm forced to participate in. Looks like on my last day of high school, I'll be running around in a rainbow unicorn costume in front of my entire high school and their parents. FML

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33941) - you deserved it (53089)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41335) - you deserved it (5077)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

#21143037
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47133) - you deserved it (5240)

On 05/17/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

#21142253
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39322) - you deserved it (13495)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by pissed off (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51646) - you deserved it (5006)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

#21140459
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39207) - you deserved it (4205)

On 05/15/2014 at 8:02am - work - by iworkatofficedepothomes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36294) - you deserved it (4288)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42657) - you deserved it (4587)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)



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