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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (4475)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

#20517081
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9225) - you deserved it (21546)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

#20515105
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27612) - you deserved it (9719)

On 02/20/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by its ok to cheat!? - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

#20514871
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (2041)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm - love - by ? - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27119) - you deserved it (3269)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

#20513703
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6680) - you deserved it (14963)

On 02/19/2013 at 5:03pm - work - by CaBur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30018) - you deserved it (1845)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8895) - you deserved it (29529)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21931) - you deserved it (1733)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

#20511433
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (2265)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28039) - you deserved it (6231)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17105) - you deserved it (9970)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

#20507764
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29803) - you deserved it (2647)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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