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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18402) - you deserved it (31831)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27450) - you deserved it (3272)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29201) - you deserved it (12183)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34341) - you deserved it (4506)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26445) - you deserved it (5505)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29121) - you deserved it (1987)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

#21403264
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27572) - you deserved it (2525)

On 05/02/2015 at 4:04am - work - by tumblrinas_at_work (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32841) - you deserved it (3408)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (3743)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

#21401112
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27310) - you deserved it (2665)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:00am - love - by koalaburr - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36311) - you deserved it (2628)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

#21400331
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26161) - you deserved it (9006)

On 04/26/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by rookiemistake (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML



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