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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

#21367505
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27805) - you deserved it (1935)

On 03/03/2015 at 7:28pm - work - by Kali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (3076)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30095) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25733) - you deserved it (4956)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (8232)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33388) - you deserved it (2331)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30167) - you deserved it (7581)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29751) - you deserved it (2486)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

#21359722
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33292) - you deserved it (4552)

On 02/20/2015 at 8:35am - love - by FunGhoost - United States (California)

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

#21357563
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14960) - you deserved it (34181)

On 02/16/2015 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

#21355556
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34795) - you deserved it (2088)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:43pm - misc - by DumbFace714 - United States (California)

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

#21354181
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (8691)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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