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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

#21424841
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23911) - you deserved it (6774)

On 06/12/2015 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Pattie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

#21424715
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26023) - you deserved it (2300)

On 06/11/2015 at 10:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

#21424633
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (1766)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

#21424629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20354) - you deserved it (10614)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Bigbaby - United States (California)

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

#21424205
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25722) - you deserved it (1832)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm - kids - by AdoKitty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

#21422896
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25746) - you deserved it (2622)

On 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

#21422783
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25594) - you deserved it (2217)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:08am - love - by howard1954 - United States (California)

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

#21422346
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (3348)

On 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by unhappy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

#21422282
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24612) - you deserved it (1398)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by MagnusDeus - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28524) - you deserved it (3162)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29542) - you deserved it (3769)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30428) - you deserved it (3320)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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