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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

#21399141
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30089) - you deserved it (3557)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm - kids - by anonymousyo - United States (California)

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

#21399135
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26649) - you deserved it (3394)

On 04/24/2015 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

#21398988
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27912) - you deserved it (5526)

On 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29739) - you deserved it (2101)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30507) - you deserved it (2433)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29120) - you deserved it (2895)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26662) - you deserved it (6876)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27807) - you deserved it (10034)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

#21395180
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28274) - you deserved it (3678)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28230) - you deserved it (1915)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

#21394235
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28411) - you deserved it (3340)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:12pm - misc - by Drill Drilled - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (3038)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)



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