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FMLs submitted from California

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26600) - you deserved it (5111)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

#21346806
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29842) - you deserved it (2201)

On 01/30/2015 at 1:11pm - misc - by lonesomegal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25638) - you deserved it (6814)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

#21345623
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29408) - you deserved it (2365)

On 01/28/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting a haircut. During the haircut, the barber cut her hand. She hesitated for a minute then continued to run her hands through and cut my hair with her bloody fingers. FML

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

#21345151
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (1964)

On 01/27/2015 at 4:17pm - work - by morning_glory - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30090) - you deserved it (3464)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

#21343089
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (2026)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26896) - you deserved it (8967)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

#21340725
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28998) - you deserved it (4402)

On 01/20/2015 at 1:14am - misc - by iamamermaid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

#21337414
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/15/2015 at 2:28am - health - by twoface_chick - United States (California)

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26677) - you deserved it (6141)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)



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