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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

#20918380
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39413) - you deserved it (9659)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:33am - misc - by markerThief (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

#20916348
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38244) - you deserved it (2786)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36565) - you deserved it (2789)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53575) - you deserved it (4224)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41506) - you deserved it (3591)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

#20911051
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31066) - you deserved it (87797)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm - love - by Cereal_mistress (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43279) - you deserved it (7288)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

#20905054
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36899) - you deserved it (2788)

On 10/02/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Couch Potato - United States (California)

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

#20904281
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36043) - you deserved it (6046)

On 10/02/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by fed up/turned off - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57309) - you deserved it (13952)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

#20903281
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39667) - you deserved it (3216)

On 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

#20901560
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44501) - you deserved it (3370)

On 09/30/2013 at 2:02am - work - by 3 More Months (man) - United States (California)

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

#20898629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39406) - you deserved it (4477)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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