FMLs submitted from California

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

by GonnaLockUpMySpices / 10/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

by MyLegsHurt / 10/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

by feeling single / 10/28/2015 at 3:48pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

by dancincherrychic / 10/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I spent 10 of our last $20 on pizza. Upon arriving home, I stepped out of the car and slipped on some mud, losing my balance and dropping the open box right into the mud. FML

by animorpher / 10/23/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my classmate went into rage mode and cursed at me, complaining how it's so unfair that I'm allowed to wear a hijab in class but she isn't allowed to wear a Flamingo hat. FML

by idontmakethedresscode / 10/23/2015 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had such a big hiccup that I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

by CalebLawrence / 10/22/2015 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

by kinkyapparently / 10/22/2015 at 10:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous