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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

#21037837
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43168) - you deserved it (5115)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:28am - misc - by Estee1024 - United States (California)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42115) - you deserved it (4613)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

#21036142
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41323) - you deserved it (5288)

On 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm - misc - by IMSERIOUS - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25368) - you deserved it (51778)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

#21028633
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (4960)

On 01/15/2014 at 10:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56926) - you deserved it (13959)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45840) - you deserved it (5384)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (5309)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40234) - you deserved it (12585)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38570) - you deserved it (10755)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47729) - you deserved it (5085)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43406) - you deserved it (8914)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)



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