Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (27024)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

#20051755
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15294) - you deserved it (2153)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by KidKillah - United States (California)

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14939) - you deserved it (2853)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

#20047754
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15866) - you deserved it (813)

On 08/29/2012 at 11:01am - money - by drixxy - United States (California)

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

#20046039
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16630) - you deserved it (2566)

On 08/28/2012 at 10:16am - love - by tutusaurus - United States (California)

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

#20045592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13323) - you deserved it (1695)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:43am - animals - by anonya - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

#20043524
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (1541)

On 08/26/2012 at 10:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

#20039352
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8537) - you deserved it (13613)

On 08/24/2012 at 2:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (California)

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

#20036157
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13146) - you deserved it (1103)

On 08/22/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by idontbleedfromthere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

#20031031
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13236) - you deserved it (799)

On 08/20/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Cottagecheeseha (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

#20024681
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (5476)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

#20020707
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15878) - you deserved it (1049)

On 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Sharina's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! Glad to see you all again, hope you’re doing fine and dandy. We are, amazing stuff has happened in amongst all the drudge and sludge. We’ve spent the week listening to the greatest album ever…

Friday 24 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: