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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26076) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

#21452123
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24013) - you deserved it (2247)

On 08/05/2015 at 4:39am - work - by kaybear13 - United States (California)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (3245)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19445) - you deserved it (31095)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26130) - you deserved it (2631)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22545) - you deserved it (1680)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23851) - you deserved it (2252)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

#21449052
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22296) - you deserved it (1510)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by roselysunset (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

#21449050
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (1601)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by HF44 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21410) - you deserved it (10095)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25332) - you deserved it (1650)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21598) - you deserved it (8653)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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