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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

#21328982
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24721) - you deserved it (11272)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by 30000 - United States (California)

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

#21328432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28245) - you deserved it (4496)

On 01/01/2015 at 3:52am - misc - by sandwhiched - United States (California)

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

#21328020
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (3008)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by MegaZeo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

#21325643
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32694) - you deserved it (3186)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

#21323028
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32807) - you deserved it (3144)

On 12/24/2014 at 12:56am - misc - by now what - United States (California)

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

#21322698
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39688) - you deserved it (4361)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:32pm - love - by both are dimwitted - United States (California)

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32242) - you deserved it (4178)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31438) - you deserved it (7463)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

#21316533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33062) - you deserved it (2360)

On 12/13/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35627) - you deserved it (4304)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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