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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29300) - you deserved it (3156)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18209) - you deserved it (31267)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27392) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28862) - you deserved it (11958)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33696) - you deserved it (4483)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26390) - you deserved it (5500)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29055) - you deserved it (1981)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

#21403264
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27529) - you deserved it (2523)

On 05/02/2015 at 4:04am - work - by tumblrinas_at_work (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you deserved it (3399)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (3739)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

#21401112
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27230) - you deserved it (2661)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:00am - love - by koalaburr - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36262) - you deserved it (2626)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)



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