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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

#21457966
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20978) - you deserved it (3564)

On 08/19/2015 at 8:14am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22399) - you deserved it (2336)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (8954)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

#21456542
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24185) - you deserved it (1866)

On 08/16/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by fire starter - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

#21456333
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18809) - you deserved it (3753)

On 08/15/2015 at 12:50pm - health - by someboody - United States (California)

Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML

#21456262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25825) - you deserved it (2031)

On 08/15/2015 at 4:22am - love - by MissyPants - United States (California)

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

#21456159
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19373) - you deserved it (1567)

On 08/14/2015 at 10:09pm - money - by BrandNewLemon - United States (California)

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23362) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

#21455672
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22164) - you deserved it (1462)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:33pm - love - by hnnhyoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous by that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

#21454765
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19570) - you deserved it (3114)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm - misc - by it's awkward - United States (California)

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

#21454203
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28464) - you deserved it (1679)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:23am - work - by RetailRage (man) - United States (California)



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