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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23716) - you deserved it (2966)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

#21440427
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21768) - you deserved it (4877)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:25am - kids - by brichard22 (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

#21439671
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23854) - you deserved it (2334)

On 07/10/2015 at 6:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

#21439587
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23586) - you deserved it (2896)

On 07/10/2015 at 2:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

#21439528
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25448) - you deserved it (1864)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49am - misc - by Stevarious (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

#21438922
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28116) - you deserved it (8526)

On 07/09/2015 at 7:20am - intimacy - by who_cares - United States (California)

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

#21437372
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25813) - you deserved it (6613)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by notacreep - United States (California)

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

#21435419
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34849) - you deserved it (1511)

On 07/02/2015 at 2:59pm - misc - by Deaf - United States (California)

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

#21433513
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24355) - you deserved it (1687)

On 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by CaptainFluffyPaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25954) - you deserved it (3357)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

#21432440
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24568) - you deserved it (1506)

On 06/26/2015 at 5:46pm - misc - by Nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

#21432294
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24346) - you deserved it (1732)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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