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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28800) - you deserved it (3592)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30155) - you deserved it (3296)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

#21420064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27104) - you deserved it (1677)

On 06/03/2015 at 2:03am - misc - by she has dumbcuntitis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

#21419617
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27531) - you deserved it (1940)

On 06/02/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Donewithit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

#21419164
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35884) - you deserved it (2655)

On 06/01/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by kash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24724) - you deserved it (5115)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

#21418362
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25734) - you deserved it (11536)

On 05/31/2015 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was exhausted due to staying up all night practicing for the most important performance of my orchestral career. I decided to take a nap to energize myself in preparation of the evening and woke up just in time to realize I'd missed the entire concert. FML

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39039) - you deserved it (2287)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

#21417861
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27091) - you deserved it (2410)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by L_lives (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15267) - you deserved it (23461)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

#21416830
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26508) - you deserved it (6426)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:28pm - misc - by drivingmecrazy - United States (California)



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