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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52832) - you deserved it (9747)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

#20597317
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28988) - you deserved it (2846)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59871) - you deserved it (6186)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

#20595412
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26474) - you deserved it (48693)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by no selfie for me - United States (California)

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48908) - you deserved it (4440)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41303) - you deserved it (8029)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

#20592754
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13512) - you deserved it (31629)

On 04/15/2013 at 1:58am - misc - by geeshock1987 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38184) - you deserved it (3420)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38134) - you deserved it (8656)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27814) - you deserved it (2061)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, I interviewed three elderly residents at a nursing home, hoping to use the transcript for a very important paper due next week. It went great, so I wrapped up and drove home. I sat down to start typing, and realized that my recording had stopped ten minutes in. FML

#20577861
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26808) - you deserved it (3839)

On 04/06/2013 at 5:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

#20575584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23744) - you deserved it (4480)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:20am - work - by torturedears (woman) - United States (California)



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