Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16665) - you deserved it (743)
On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11865) - you deserved it (1329)
On 09/11/2012 at 2:47am - misc - by NotDrunk (man) - United States (California)
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17016) - you deserved it (1814)
On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15793) - you deserved it (1708)
On 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by CaptainSaveAHoe (man) - United States (California)
Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12701) - you deserved it (1192)
On 09/10/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by NotJessePinkmanFFS (man) - United States (California)
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13323) - you deserved it (6774)
On 09/09/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by crabmunch15 - United States (California)
Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16857) - you deserved it (1288)
On 09/06/2012 at 12:54pm - health - by onorexveritas - United States (California)
Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19026) - you deserved it (1411)
On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6296) - you deserved it (36218)
On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20297) - you deserved it (4662)
On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (26992)
On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)
Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15278) - you deserved it (2152)
On 09/01/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by KidKillah - United States (California)
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14925) - you deserved it (2851)
On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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