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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24217) - you deserved it (2212)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

#21455672
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23439) - you deserved it (1549)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:33pm - love - by hnnhyoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous by that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

#21454765
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (3420)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm - misc - by it's awkward - United States (California)

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

#21454203
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29288) - you deserved it (1734)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:23am - work - by RetailRage (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23910) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

#21453104
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (3388)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:27am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

#21452688
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23021) - you deserved it (2622)

On 08/06/2015 at 11:18am - misc - by Lilo4life - United States (California)

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

#21452615
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27814) - you deserved it (1718)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - work - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

#21452513
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21367) - you deserved it (2944)

On 08/06/2015 at 12:10am - work - by ilovebigmacs - United States (California)

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26073) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

#21452123
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23926) - you deserved it (2239)

On 08/05/2015 at 4:39am - work - by kaybear13 - United States (California)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (3245)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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