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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47993) - you deserved it (7957)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

#21180330
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39974) - you deserved it (6122)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:24am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55700) - you deserved it (5159)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47562) - you deserved it (4353)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

#21174174
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49577) - you deserved it (5265)

On 06/14/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (5591)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57648) - you deserved it (6940)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23242) - you deserved it (39078)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

#21164644
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45114) - you deserved it (8389)

On 06/06/2014 at 2:24am - kids - by playdated - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (9131)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49998) - you deserved it (4129)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

#21160163
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50401) - you deserved it (3883)

On 06/02/2014 at 3:33am - misc - by really?? - United States (California)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42633) - you deserved it (3655)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)



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