FMLs submitted from California

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

by OhNo / 01/22/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

by AustinFFA / 01/22/2016 at 11:46am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

by AkiAnime / 01/21/2016 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 10:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 7:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

by xsnqw / 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

by clostar / 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

by Well, shit / 01/18/2016 at 5:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

by Gamergirl137 / 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm / United States (California) / Love