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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

#20986659
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45225) - you deserved it (3372)

On 12/09/2013 at 6:25pm - misc - by YouAssholes - United States (California)

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

#20985487
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43996) - you deserved it (5983)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:16pm - health - by goingtothegym (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45142) - you deserved it (3701)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

#20983553
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41354) - you deserved it (6216)

On 12/07/2013 at 2:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

#20982712
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43327) - you deserved it (10930)

On 12/06/2013 at 11:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

#20979287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41182) - you deserved it (4218)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by reallyhighschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44259) - you deserved it (19855)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

#20977142
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38334) - you deserved it (2507)

On 12/01/2013 at 3:27pm - animals - by HereKittyKitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

#20974597
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44107) - you deserved it (7220)

On 11/29/2013 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37964) - you deserved it (4267)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

#20971339
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36842) - you deserved it (9152)

On 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by fack (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66951) - you deserved it (5565)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)



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