FMLs submitted from California

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

by audied / 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that getting an awesome new phone with all the new bells and whistles doesn't mean that people will now actually want to talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Money

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

by i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming / 01/03/2010 at 11:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

by Darling_Cherry / 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML

by Laughluv / 01/02/2010 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

by thatsjustlovely / 01/01/2010 at 3:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

by Jennyfromdablock / 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

by BrutallyBlonde / 12/30/2009 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

by baybuh / 12/30/2009 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

by DOGSNACHER / 12/28/2009 at 10:43pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML

by Butter_Cup / 12/28/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

by dumbdad / 12/28/2009 at 2:30am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

by EgoMoose / 12/28/2009 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Health