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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins are still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid runs out and shoots me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and he ruined my new suit. FML

#1060859
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52040) - you deserved it (6340)

On 04/17/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ruined_suit (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91124) - you deserved it (7416)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58713) - you deserved it (2361)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99313) - you deserved it (15089)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

#1010714
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26176) - you deserved it (144379)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

#1008885
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55426) - you deserved it (6733)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by arrogantlondon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

#964759
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65656) - you deserved it (6983)

On 04/14/2009 at 3:50am - misc - by LizLiao (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

#948572
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51290) - you deserved it (5517)

On 04/13/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by ididlookgood (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

#942403
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73048) - you deserved it (4361)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by LeftOut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

#927368
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83039) - you deserved it (5249)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

#925174
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70417) - you deserved it (8988)

On 04/12/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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