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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

#2485
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20388) - you deserved it (1844)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by ohfantastic - United States (California)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17176) - you deserved it (3096)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

#2357
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14164) - you deserved it (40647)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

#2319
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17851) - you deserved it (1865)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by blahmina - United States (California)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59026) - you deserved it (7809)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

#2158
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14897) - you deserved it (1887)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:45am - work - by DarkPain - United States (California)

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

#2119
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18629) - you deserved it (3489)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by Daryll - United States (California)

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

#2101
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19201) - you deserved it (3160)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by noodle - United States (California)

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

#2059
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16611) - you deserved it (4083)

On 01/21/2009 at 12:56pm - misc - by Ella - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

#1806
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31770) - you deserved it (6223)

On 01/19/2009 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by rindawg - United States (California)

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

#1741
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21457) - you deserved it (1892)

On 01/19/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by vixenscars - United States (California)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

#1507
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30856) - you deserved it (6541)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by Allenburg - United States (California)



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