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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

#4288
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13034) - you deserved it (22253)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by joe - United States (California)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41941) - you deserved it (5510)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (1770)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

#3910
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7187) - you deserved it (28346)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:57pm - love - by grreeatttt - United States (California)

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26103) - you deserved it (1461)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25369) - you deserved it (2631)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

#3779
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5767) - you deserved it (39495)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by teeth - United States (California)

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

#3430
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23640) - you deserved it (5775)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by FailBear - United States (California)

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

#3375
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25497) - you deserved it (7672)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by iFail - United States (California)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

#3333
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8789) - you deserved it (32979)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Hahaha - United States (California)

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

#3161
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19188) - you deserved it (1791)

On 01/28/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by flying solo - United States (California)

Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

#3114
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34433) - you deserved it (4976)

On 01/28/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

#3037
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17435) - you deserved it (5083)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:50am - work - by Noname - United States (California)



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