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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

#304824
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77558) - you deserved it (7337)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my friends dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

#298417
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66289) - you deserved it (21105)

On 03/13/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by the_dog_sitter (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

#296354
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13049) - you deserved it (62980)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

#284882
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53412) - you deserved it (28120)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

#267398
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60374) - you deserved it (4933)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by GreenScar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

#263421
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54435) - you deserved it (4224)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:03pm - health - by yodada (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

#259526
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101811) - you deserved it (6342)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76248) - you deserved it (4805)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

#249952
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47037) - you deserved it (8385)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by McChunky =( - United States (California)

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91439) - you deserved it (3864)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46596) - you deserved it (12172)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16137) - you deserved it (48834)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

#234103
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55624) - you deserved it (17764)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)



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