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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47786) - you deserved it (16910)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

#7876
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16238) - you deserved it (31333)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:44am - health - by Harejordan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

#7546
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33827) - you deserved it (1744)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:54am - misc - by Dr. Jack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6445) - you deserved it (34717)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16022) - you deserved it (46532)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

#6154
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8105) - you deserved it (32086)

On 02/03/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by baller12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23836) - you deserved it (5879)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23124) - you deserved it (9911)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44868) - you deserved it (2671)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

#5208
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31027) - you deserved it (2143)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:25am - love - by bewitched and bothered - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

#5134
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24842) - you deserved it (5867)

On 02/02/2009 at 6:04am - love - by unbelievable - United States (California)

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

#5127
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25587) - you deserved it (3003)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Xpresss - United States (California)



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