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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

#3008
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23645) - you deserved it (2584)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:38am - misc - by razzmataz - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

#2960
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15989) - you deserved it (37773)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:24am - work - by carboat - United States (California)

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

#2823
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7009) - you deserved it (42571)

On 01/27/2009 at 11:47am - money - by dannij08 - United States (California)

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

#2788
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24993) - you deserved it (2300)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:24am - love - by aere - United States (California)

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

#2742
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20178) - you deserved it (6458)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:54pm - love - by CaptainSosuke - United States (California)

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

#2741
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16277) - you deserved it (2546)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:32pm - love - by kai - United States (California)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6919) - you deserved it (61229)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

#2596
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22433) - you deserved it (4641)

On 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by Michelle C - United States (California)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

#2590
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4559) - you deserved it (24103)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:38pm - misc - by smoker - United States (California)

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

#2485
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20380) - you deserved it (1843)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by ohfantastic - United States (California)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17170) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

#2357
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14163) - you deserved it (40633)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)



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