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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2819083
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58585) - you deserved it (3201)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:06am - health - by angela (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

#2773226
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7283) - you deserved it (69984)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by LetsMakeLove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

#2765293
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45558) - you deserved it (2377)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:18am - misc - by older (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

#2763801
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55401) - you deserved it (3273)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by dodgerkiss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46130) - you deserved it (3678)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82235) - you deserved it (5454)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14554) - you deserved it (52491)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51982) - you deserved it (65408)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10446) - you deserved it (46271)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69675) - you deserved it (6671)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

#2710099
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61067) - you deserved it (8125)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:05am - love - by aasatt22 - United States (California)

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

#2701716
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63751) - you deserved it (3282)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:17pm - work - by Kilika (man) - United States (California)



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