FMLs submitted from California

Today, my classmate went into rage mode and cursed at me, complaining how it's so unfair that I'm allowed to wear a hijab in class but she isn't allowed to wear a Flamingo hat. FML

by idontmakethedresscode / 10/23/2015 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had such a big hiccup that I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

by kinkyapparently / 10/22/2015 at 10:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2015 at 5:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

by NotThePotty / 10/19/2015 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

by not as easy as pie / 10/16/2015 at 12:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML

by what did I do? / 10/15/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 11:43am / United States (California) / Work