Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29563) - you deserved it (6070)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

#21346806
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30686) - you deserved it (2249)

On 01/30/2015 at 1:11pm - misc - by lonesomegal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28690) - you deserved it (8270)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

#21345623
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31381) - you deserved it (2717)

On 01/28/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting a haircut. During the haircut, the barber cut her hand. She hesitated for a minute then continued to run her hands through and cut my hair with her bloody fingers. FML

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

#21345151
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23698) - you deserved it (2076)

On 01/27/2015 at 4:17pm - work - by morning_glory - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (4261)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

#21343089
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33749) - you deserved it (2220)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28028) - you deserved it (9507)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

#21340725
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29787) - you deserved it (4519)

On 01/20/2015 at 1:14am - misc - by iamamermaid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

#21337414
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30011) - you deserved it (2481)

On 01/15/2015 at 2:28am - health - by twoface_chick - United States (California)

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30336) - you deserved it (7251)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: