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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

#21458841
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35098) - you deserved it (1674)

On 08/21/2015 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

#21458762
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23143) - you deserved it (8554)

On 08/21/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

#21458738
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28411) - you deserved it (1521)

On 08/21/2015 at 2:22am - health - by ANON - United States (California)

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

#21458732
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (5279)

On 08/21/2015 at 1:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

#21458628
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22041) - you deserved it (5042)

On 08/20/2015 at 9:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

#21458335
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (2444)

On 08/20/2015 at 2:02am - love - by Catsfordays - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

#21458311
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (4160)

On 08/20/2015 at 12:48am - misc - by fmymouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

#21458301
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23017) - you deserved it (2373)

On 08/20/2015 at 12:16am - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

#21457966
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22300) - you deserved it (3722)

On 08/19/2015 at 8:14am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (2531)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (10341)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML



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