Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6436) - you deserved it (34673)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16006) - you deserved it (46472)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

#6154
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8091) - you deserved it (32028)

On 02/03/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by baller12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23794) - you deserved it (5874)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23080) - you deserved it (9905)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44809) - you deserved it (2664)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

#5208
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30306) - you deserved it (2074)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:25am - love - by bewitched and bothered - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

#5134
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24306) - you deserved it (5778)

On 02/02/2009 at 6:04am - love - by unbelievable - United States (California)

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

#5127
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24897) - you deserved it (2920)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Xpresss - United States (California)

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

#4425
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (2664)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

#4321
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33087) - you deserved it (4083)

On 01/31/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

#4288
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12996) - you deserved it (22216)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by joe - United States (California)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41882) - you deserved it (5504)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: