FMLs submitted from California

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

by Eagle / 01/26/2010 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

by joshua / 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

by LadyLump / 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

by ceedee / 01/23/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

by oldschool / 01/22/2010 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2010 at 9:49pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

by uuuuugh / 01/21/2010 at 5:47am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

by anonymous / 01/21/2010 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

by hatesmellyfeet / 01/20/2010 at 8:47am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

by mapollis / 01/20/2010 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Love