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FMLs submitted from California

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

#6351238
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10240) - you deserved it (33058)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by ohjoy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he cried and pissed his pants. Again. FML

#6350911
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35808) - you deserved it (2768)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by not_trained_for_this (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

#6350445
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34972) - you deserved it (2335)

On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

#6337405
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7940) - you deserved it (39270)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by Nic (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48397) - you deserved it (2375)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

#6313806
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30186) - you deserved it (5417)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm - money - by notip (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

#6298224
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30449) - you deserved it (3103)

On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26255) - you deserved it (3692)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (6780)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (2874)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34738) - you deserved it (8455)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42910) - you deserved it (4364)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

#6265559
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34052) - you deserved it (4846)

On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)



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