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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (147915)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

#2223599
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
539 comments

I agree, your life sucks (219448) - you deserved it (23834)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42983) - you deserved it (5600)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

#2173633
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43658) - you deserved it (2542)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

#2161329
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32849) - you deserved it (7858)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

#2134167
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17218) - you deserved it (60560)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55003) - you deserved it (7701)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70140) - you deserved it (6540)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (66012)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44962) - you deserved it (16726)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

#1964368
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (4427)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)



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