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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

#415998
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84009) - you deserved it (18507)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by SmileEveryday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

#410087
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60926) - you deserved it (22210)

On 03/17/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

#408707
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42576) - you deserved it (191639)

On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

#404530
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44627) - you deserved it (27912)

On 03/17/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by Poorfish (man) - United States (California)

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

#402387
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180716) - you deserved it (9109)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:17pm - work - by Dansonn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

#400930
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (200432) - you deserved it (16823)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:41pm - animals - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53732) - you deserved it (29583)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

#318032
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67036) - you deserved it (9818)

On 03/14/2009 at 5:46am - love - by knee2tak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

#317816
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13302) - you deserved it (61475)

On 03/14/2009 at 4:43am - love - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

#304824
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75994) - you deserved it (7228)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my friends dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

#298417
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66085) - you deserved it (21024)

On 03/13/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by the_dog_sitter (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

#296354
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12979) - you deserved it (62821)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

#284882
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53271) - you deserved it (28041)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)



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