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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

#571652
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77609) - you deserved it (10542)

On 03/24/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by spandex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

#569980
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (53343)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

#547884
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104306) - you deserved it (3985)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:12am - misc - by snoozer (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

#542382
454 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116882) - you deserved it (21594)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

#518934
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (77076)

On 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

#506231
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61098) - you deserved it (118781)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

#506180
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58884) - you deserved it (16289)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by teriyaki124 - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

#482680
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11610) - you deserved it (74746)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

#464379
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80829) - you deserved it (4117)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned I made the dean's honor list for my college for the first time since attending. I asked my dad if he was proud of me, to which he replied, "when you're as successful as your brother, I'll be proud." My brother is a Chippendale's dancer. FML

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

#459140
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15290) - you deserved it (89535)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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