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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

#259526
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101162) - you deserved it (6309)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74477) - you deserved it (4647)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

#249952
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46872) - you deserved it (8368)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by McChunky =( - United States (California)

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91023) - you deserved it (3847)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44808) - you deserved it (11642)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16039) - you deserved it (48637)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

#234103
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55412) - you deserved it (17720)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

#228564
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13911) - you deserved it (35869)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by 1 Giant Cupcake (man) - United States (California)

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

#227802
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19687) - you deserved it (47079)

On 03/06/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by jacks_smirking_revenge (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

#225762
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118760) - you deserved it (5622)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

#222376
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22891) - you deserved it (47303)

On 03/05/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (California)

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

#218280
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64480) - you deserved it (4462)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by failout (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

#217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41032) - you deserved it (14255)

On 03/05/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by ohnolunch - United States (California)



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