FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

by rockefoe / 06/30/2010 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

by itssdianaa / 06/28/2010 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

by Pain / 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

by megaladon / 06/28/2010 at 4:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

by anyomous / 06/25/2010 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

by fartwoman / 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

by Mr.Viola / 06/20/2010 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

by PissyPants / 06/20/2010 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because his mom told him to. FML

by Mamasboyhater / 06/15/2010 at 5:50am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

by milkybear / 06/15/2010 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Work