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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42314) - you deserved it (6311)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

#20926554
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37563) - you deserved it (3524)

On 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in his ex-girlfriend's room. FML

#20925937
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52501) - you deserved it (4196)

On 10/19/2013 at 1:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26942) - you deserved it (38687)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML

#20923915
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31443) - you deserved it (15869)

On 10/17/2013 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42352) - you deserved it (3812)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45887) - you deserved it (5177)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

#20920631
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39869) - you deserved it (4504)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by zzfreakshow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

#20918380
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39342) - you deserved it (9647)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:33am - misc - by markerThief (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

#20916348
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38185) - you deserved it (2785)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36518) - you deserved it (2786)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53478) - you deserved it (4217)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41441) - you deserved it (3584)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)



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