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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

#681492
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26514) - you deserved it (80373)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

#674037
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78839) - you deserved it (162766)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

#664125
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68309) - you deserved it (6047)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:19pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

#656324
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52170) - you deserved it (7701)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:38am - love - by Marine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

#637198
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65026) - you deserved it (4499)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17172) - you deserved it (187899)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (168408) - you deserved it (34073)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10826) - you deserved it (109417)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

#571652
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77536) - you deserved it (10534)

On 03/24/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by spandex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML



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