FMLs submitted from California

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

by runandmope / 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

by mauimango7 / 07/27/2010 at 6:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

by dumped / 07/26/2010 at 7:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

by Andiii / 07/26/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

by luvlessbootycall / 07/24/2010 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

by anonmys / 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

by Flyboy / 07/18/2010 at 1:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

by liz / 07/16/2010 at 3:45pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

by lonely / 07/15/2010 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

by readytomingle / 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous