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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69991) - you deserved it (6532)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17333) - you deserved it (65861)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43601) - you deserved it (16305)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

#1964368
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36272) - you deserved it (4256)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (3860)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24147) - you deserved it (42963)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8491) - you deserved it (66554)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

#1933691
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21292) - you deserved it (55230)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46031) - you deserved it (6007)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75060) - you deserved it (10821)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50243) - you deserved it (9213)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)



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