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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55224) - you deserved it (6560)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

#119567
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5599) - you deserved it (38548)

On 02/23/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by sillyrabbit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

#115170
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38378) - you deserved it (1777)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by ExtendedVacation (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

#111857
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32584) - you deserved it (9640)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by LAME (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70757) - you deserved it (6535)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

#94927
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42102) - you deserved it (2589)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:22am - work - by Lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14675) - you deserved it (21529)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

#89971
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32197) - you deserved it (2359)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:02pm - animals - by d0pey (man) - United States (California)

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

#85475
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44810) - you deserved it (2063)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:16am - work - by Jedi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

#85022
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37930) - you deserved it (10173)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:27am - work - by muffinmen1022 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

#82135
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46651) - you deserved it (7596)

On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

#77446
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39175) - you deserved it (26433)

On 02/19/2009 at 11:57am - work - by AbsolutelyEffed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

#76277
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9021) - you deserved it (37712)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by cynicalcindy (woman) - United States (California)



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