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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

#1414687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22714) - you deserved it (41711)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:50am - love - by Mikey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54956) - you deserved it (5002)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24068) - you deserved it (121125)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89484) - you deserved it (21528)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

#1380025
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56093) - you deserved it (11441)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:43am - love - by frenchgirlll (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55128) - you deserved it (10866)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

#1368223
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54585) - you deserved it (2626)

On 04/26/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chippuh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We came late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

#1358381
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39292) - you deserved it (11708)

On 04/26/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by skjjj (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

#1334002
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52070) - you deserved it (13020)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by crashednowcrushed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50411) - you deserved it (5528)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

#1312946
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9639) - you deserved it (55082)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

#1310599
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44944) - you deserved it (4313)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

#1285510
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10096) - you deserved it (70141)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)



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