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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML

#1146532
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (56086)

On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78158) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

#1141291
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14083) - you deserved it (63260)

On 04/20/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by steph (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17799) - you deserved it (55543)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

#1090748
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46784) - you deserved it (9658)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

#1078771
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13027) - you deserved it (63280)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins are still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid runs out and shoots me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and he ruined my new suit. FML

#1060859
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51848) - you deserved it (6316)

On 04/17/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ruined_suit (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89345) - you deserved it (7246)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57433) - you deserved it (2290)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98653) - you deserved it (15014)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

#1010714
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25073) - you deserved it (139674)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

#1008885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55047) - you deserved it (6703)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by arrogantlondon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML



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