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FMLs submitted from California

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

#1500727
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56548) - you deserved it (8448)

On 04/30/2009 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

#1475511
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81577) - you deserved it (8011)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

#1449729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70560) - you deserved it (4500)

On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
451 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54924) - you deserved it (10508)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

#1444168
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92625) - you deserved it (8167)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

#1414687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22661) - you deserved it (41664)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:50am - love - by Mikey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54351) - you deserved it (4949)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23528) - you deserved it (119684)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89343) - you deserved it (21509)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

#1380025
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55213) - you deserved it (11271)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:43am - love - by frenchgirlll (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55109) - you deserved it (10853)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

#1368223
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54498) - you deserved it (2622)

On 04/26/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chippuh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We came late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

#1358381
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39240) - you deserved it (11683)

On 04/26/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by skjjj (woman) - United States (California)



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