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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22668) - you deserved it (2238)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54963) - you deserved it (2946)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

#5098537
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67627) - you deserved it (6169)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by BoredRunner42 - United States (California)

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6110) - you deserved it (38913)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15879) - you deserved it (66933)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

#5011183
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49382) - you deserved it (12407)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16223) - you deserved it (39938)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

#4990869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39545) - you deserved it (5709)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:29am - work - by Joel (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

#4983911
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45464) - you deserved it (2784)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:04pm - health - by Misterhippo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

#4977727
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42650) - you deserved it (2958)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - animals - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14104) - you deserved it (42116)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

#4947813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38677) - you deserved it (3451)

On 08/31/2009 at 3:37am - animals - by ahdeadcats - United States (California)



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