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FMLs submitted from California

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
540 comments

I agree, your life sucks (209177) - you deserved it (22466)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42711) - you deserved it (5579)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

#2173633
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42608) - you deserved it (2458)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

#2161329
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31139) - you deserved it (7564)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

#2134167
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17129) - you deserved it (60306)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54694) - you deserved it (7674)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69856) - you deserved it (6521)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16974) - you deserved it (65138)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43529) - you deserved it (16291)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

#1964368
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36189) - you deserved it (4246)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49784) - you deserved it (3854)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24077) - you deserved it (42894)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)



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