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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

#4174665
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13439) - you deserved it (39995)

On 07/31/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by Girafarig (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

#4154215
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44574) - you deserved it (7390)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16313) - you deserved it (47226)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

#4114414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9911) - you deserved it (46728)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by flustered - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49999) - you deserved it (7819)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

#4099565
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48720) - you deserved it (2369)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48754) - you deserved it (9295)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36641) - you deserved it (3646)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

#4034087
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49406) - you deserved it (5227)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48328) - you deserved it (8188)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

#4000566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40436) - you deserved it (4182)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72313) - you deserved it (7181)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)



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