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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55407) - you deserved it (11134)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

#1685097
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59240) - you deserved it (3749)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by random (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62373) - you deserved it (7209)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

#1677183
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50545) - you deserved it (15413)

On 05/05/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by airborne (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14998) - you deserved it (91346)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

#1651760
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12128) - you deserved it (51260)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by station (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7566) - you deserved it (93562)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

#1625172
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48288) - you deserved it (11386)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96841) - you deserved it (266653)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50002) - you deserved it (3909)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17133) - you deserved it (51503)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)



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