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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

#6095945
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47005) - you deserved it (4200)

On 11/01/2009 at 1:30am - love - by Loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24273) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

#6083717
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32237) - you deserved it (8952)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

#6073802
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12354) - you deserved it (30334)

On 10/30/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Missedtheboat (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

#6068182
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33451) - you deserved it (2667)

On 10/30/2009 at 8:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

#6067303
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (2295)

On 10/30/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by legotron (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

#6067207
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38362) - you deserved it (3461)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:45am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

#6066504
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33955) - you deserved it (7504)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

#6057828
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6183) - you deserved it (65277)

On 10/29/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

#6053348
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38726) - you deserved it (4658)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:27am - love - by deserved (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

#6050345
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36015) - you deserved it (7216)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:20am - love - by chipmunk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

#6050318
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (6626)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8201) - you deserved it (113612)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)



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