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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33289) - you deserved it (8954)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32587) - you deserved it (2869)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

#21284646
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39612) - you deserved it (2736)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30563) - you deserved it (5778)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31709) - you deserved it (2137)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36450) - you deserved it (4785)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37130) - you deserved it (3463)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

#21279866
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42893) - you deserved it (6326)

On 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by gettinghotinhere - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34587) - you deserved it (3055)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

#21277941
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34074) - you deserved it (4585)

On 10/14/2014 at 9:06pm - love - by failure - United States (California)



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