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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

#6298224
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28920) - you deserved it (2985)

On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25401) - you deserved it (3613)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32699) - you deserved it (6523)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41968) - you deserved it (2708)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33818) - you deserved it (8291)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41996) - you deserved it (4294)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

#6265559
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (4760)

On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

#6255199
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27565) - you deserved it (3340)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by Stupidteach (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

#6253497
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32833) - you deserved it (7275)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by Saphira (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

#6241775
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23677) - you deserved it (9124)

On 11/10/2009 at 10:59am - money - by notgreg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

#6237961
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5896) - you deserved it (47432)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:24am - health - by ID10t (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

#6223689
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8906) - you deserved it (22773)

On 11/09/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ShowerheadGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

#6223304
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28645) - you deserved it (4352)

On 11/09/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by Abr829 (man) - United States (California)



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