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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

#904176
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55553) - you deserved it (5108)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm - kids - by boyfriendless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (201360) - you deserved it (19792)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

#888437
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9866) - you deserved it (63284)

On 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

#882663
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46703) - you deserved it (9899)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:16am - misc - by atang (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

#881818
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30715) - you deserved it (19875)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:40am - animals - by ferrarismyname (man) - United States (California)

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

#881637
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49464) - you deserved it (4448)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by LindsayK (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

#880464
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40130) - you deserved it (33940)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:53am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

#869850
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34996) - you deserved it (87243)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML

#847949
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53342) - you deserved it (3698)

On 04/07/2009 at 1:21am - love - by darkman28 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

#847714
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16354) - you deserved it (41474)

On 04/07/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by laurisshnazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59811) - you deserved it (10719)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14156) - you deserved it (54620)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68675) - you deserved it (3806)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)



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