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FMLs submitted from California

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60261) - you deserved it (25922)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML

#3069327
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54667) - you deserved it (2064)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by goodstudent (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

#3050624
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47140) - you deserved it (2434)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:28am - health - by sleepless (man) - United States (California)

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

#3040263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41349) - you deserved it (2157)

On 06/19/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by Kerry (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

#3036778
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38761) - you deserved it (4782)

On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said "As long as its not a spa day. that would suck I would never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

#2997595
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36753) - you deserved it (23594)

On 06/18/2009 at 2:34pm - love - by Lvdkinda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

#2984758
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9498) - you deserved it (39073)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:31am - health - by ihpgolj (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

#2980433
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43778) - you deserved it (16089)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by fcnk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

#2975022
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51660) - you deserved it (4400)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

#2963947
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28666) - you deserved it (5990)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:12am - health - by Broken (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45587) - you deserved it (32151)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

#2931703
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9350) - you deserved it (79505)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by idiotfriend (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

#2909959
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48686) - you deserved it (4928)

On 06/15/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by need2eat - United States (California)



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