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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52405) - you deserved it (11497)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

#4390230
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42441) - you deserved it (10932)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

#4386622
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39058) - you deserved it (4277)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

#4381633
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9634) - you deserved it (58152)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

#4356105
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84738) - you deserved it (6820)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:55am - love - by notsomuchinlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47562) - you deserved it (8183)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

#4343153
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59803) - you deserved it (2621)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:41pm - work - by smiletellsall (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

#4299043
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45290) - you deserved it (7751)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

#4280491
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39918) - you deserved it (9421)

On 08/04/2009 at 12:15pm - love - by badbestfriend (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59425) - you deserved it (8793)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

#4264267
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54946) - you deserved it (2097)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

#4255816
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (24869)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)



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