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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51216) - you deserved it (64489)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10276) - you deserved it (45993)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66260) - you deserved it (6331)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

#2710099
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58135) - you deserved it (7695)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:05am - love - by aasatt22 - United States (California)

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

#2701716
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63196) - you deserved it (3263)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:17pm - work - by Kilika (man) - United States (California)

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

#2693631
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53788) - you deserved it (24252)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:21pm - kids - by Ignatius (man) - United States (California)

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

#2664358
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43057) - you deserved it (9154)

On 06/06/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by lft (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

#2593588
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64175) - you deserved it (3588)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16054) - you deserved it (2036)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

#2587369
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41269) - you deserved it (5315)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46266) - you deserved it (15337)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)



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