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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

#10398806
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41419) - you deserved it (5611)

On 05/07/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SkiMaskFukd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

#10396972
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28204) - you deserved it (4726)

On 05/07/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

#10288780
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29283) - you deserved it (5473)

On 05/02/2010 at 3:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

#9812049
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (7423)

On 04/11/2010 at 8:27pm - misc - by lonely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

#9645798
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35323) - you deserved it (9711)

On 04/05/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by FASHlONABLE - United States (California)

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

#9416886
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53332) - you deserved it (10146)

On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

#9179900
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (4096)

On 03/18/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML

#9122302
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49530) - you deserved it (4370)

On 03/16/2010 at 12:50am - love - by ManInTrouble - United States (California)

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

#9095139
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8072) - you deserved it (31421)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:00am - intimacy - by PubelishedAuthor (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

#9093072
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26145) - you deserved it (4681)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:51am - money - by Fridaythe12th (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30658) - you deserved it (5600)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

#9081770
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32048) - you deserved it (2318)

On 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm - animals - by OhhhNooo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (9797)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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