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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

#1283186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52360) - you deserved it (6667)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by avanti (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16042) - you deserved it (83489)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

#1248987
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10393) - you deserved it (56120)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15633) - you deserved it (215897)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9790) - you deserved it (64121)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

#1215114
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20527) - you deserved it (40868)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

#1213141
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51687) - you deserved it (8264)

On 04/22/2009 at 12:09am - love - by misterhippo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34181) - you deserved it (90454)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

#1175700
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41820) - you deserved it (7058)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML

#1146532
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21111) - you deserved it (52217)

On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70182) - you deserved it (2303)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

#1141291
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12427) - you deserved it (59609)

On 04/20/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by steph (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17004) - you deserved it (53955)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)



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